WE ARE WHO WE ARE, AND WE IS WHAT WE IS
NOTES ON THE MORALITY OF LOVING WHO WE LOVE, WHETHER WE’RE SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED TO OR NOT
AUTHOR-TURNED-AUTOHISTORIAN NOTE: What follows is the eight-year-old sequel to yesterday’s column, also written eight years ago yesterday. Can’t wait to see what I wrote eight years ago tomorrow!
I’m someone who often ponders the difference between being a "moral" person and "a person I genuinely like". You might think they should always be categorically identical, since liking a moral person seems obviously like the thing to do, if morals mean anything. And done properly, they often do.
But there are lots of people I love JUST BECAUSE I DO. And, in fact, their massive flaws are precisely the places where we connect most clearly. In our sharing of wrongheaded foibles and misbehaviors that could probably be handled better, but aren't, for whatever reason, we witness each other on our journeys. And learn from them Teach from them. Above all, share from them.
It is my personal opinion that loving people is acknowledging them for who they are. Seeing through the flaws to the grace. Seeing though the grace to the flaws. And hanging in there, because we're all in this together.
I fucking love the human race. It ain't always easy. But what choice do I have? HATE US ALL? I could do that, too. And often have. But nobody wins that fucking game.
Insofar as I can tell, we are better together than apart. Our dividedness is precisely how we're conquered.
Which is why I love so many people I'm probably not morally supposed to. And will never stop doing so, whether anyone approves of it or not. Last time I checked, I get to feel the way I feel, and do what I wanna do. That's the definition of freedom.
As such, I reserve the right to love each and every one of you, whether anyone thinks you deserve it or not. Cuz it ain't nobody's call but my own.
And that's my fucking choice.