THE SLIME IN OUR TIME: HOW EPSTEIN CAUGHT UP WITH TRUMP AT LAST
(PLUS A FUN TWO-HOUR INTERVIEW ON THE UGLY TRUTH!)
The great Frank Zappa – one of my earliest and truest all-time art-o-tainment heroes – once said, “Heaven would be a place where bullshit existed only on television.”
Why? Because he operated from the assumption that if a TV was playing, somebody was lying. That’s what it was there for, all protestations to the contrary. It was either trying to sell you some bullshit product you didn’t need, or trying to sell you on some bullshit propaganda that you also didn’t need. As made ruthlessly clear in his 1977 classic, “I’m the Slime”.
As for Heaven? (A place which, as an atheist, he didn’t believe in for a second?) To Frank, Paradise would be a place where NOBODY lied to you, ever. Where, whether you liked it or not, telling the truth was the universal standard. And the only place you could go to get your highly unrecommended daily dosage of complete and utter bullshit would be your TV. With the eternal option of JUST NEVER TURNING THE FUCKING THING ON.
And I gotta admit, that does sound great! Only now, of course, it would be a phone.
I bring this up because
a) I always talk about shit like this;
b) I care about it so much that I just helped instigate a whole book about it, which is called The Ugly Truth; and
c) THE EPSTEIN FILES!!! Which is the most seismic story lighting up the news right now. And which hinges entirely on America’s hottest-trending series of lies.
Now as to which lies are which, that’s where it gets fascinating. Because we know a couple of things for sure.
One is that Jeffrey Epstein was a wealthy, well-connected, serious piece of shit, who trafficked in young (often underage) women. Making them available for others to rape, if he wasn’t busy raping them himself.
Another is that Jeffrey Epstein had a lot of rich, famous, powerful men coming around, up in his plane or out on his rape island. And amongst the most famous names mentioned are former Democratic President Bill Clinton and current Republican Pantshitter-In-Chief Donald Trump.
The third biggie we know is that Jeffrey Epstein died in prison, before he could testify about any of those powerful men. The official word is that he conveniently hung himself in his jail cell, as one does when one holds such immensely powerful secrets, and has the full attention of the world.
Lastly, it’s clear the MAGAsphere is losing its fucking mind, because Trump is now blocking the release of the legendary Epstein Files. For the first time in Trump’s weirdly-brief political career – barely ten years that just FEEL like forever – he’s actually got vast swaths of his fan base going, “Wait a minute. Did he just LIE TO US?!?!?!”
The result is a clamor to “RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES!” Which strikes me as a wonderful idea. If he’s got nothing to hide – HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!! – then why would it be a problem?
On the other side of the aisle, of course, the party line is that there IS no “Epstein list” of implicateable accessories to the crimes. That there’s nothing to see here, and never was. Which MAGA Republicans never believed. And which led them to be led into easily believing that Democrats were the only ones with something to hide. Allowing them to blame it all on Biden, and Crooked Hillary, and blah blah blah.
That’s why MAGA is losing its mind. Because now Trump and his Attorney General just tried the exact same bullshit trick. That there’s nothing to see here. Which is patently false. And then, when that bullshit didn’t work, they tried to say that the list DOES exist, but it was invented entirely by Biden and Clinton and blah blah blah!
So for a bunch of these poor hapless MAGAts, the resulting slap in the face is finally proving enough to snap them – at least partially – out of their trance. Which, I guess, means EPSTEIN IS THE WOKEST SHIT EVER! At least in terms of waking these poor motherfuckers up.
Personally, I think it’s a wonderful thing, and could not be happier for everyone involved. Whether the files ever get released or not, a lot of guilty-ass pieces of shit on every side of every aisle are shakin’ in their shoes right now. And it couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of guys. OR shoes!
So I just wanna thank Frank Zappa for keeping it real. And would like to suggest the rest of the world try to take him up on the challenge.
P.S. – Speaking of keeping it real, here’s a hilariously TWO-HOUR-LONG INTERVIEW that awesome horror fiction reviewer Eve Moss (Eve.reads.horror on TikTok) recently conducted with The Ugly Truth co-authors Aron Beauregard, Shane McKenzie, and myself.
THE UGLY TRUTH TRIO - BEAUREGARD, SKIPP, McKENZIE INTERVIEWED BY EVE MOSS (UNCUT)
You wanna know how real we kept it? We spend the first several minutes talking about THE KIDNEY STONE I’D JUST EJECTED FROM THE END OF MY DICK. Which was an enormous relief, cuz kidney stones reaaaaaaally hurt. And also made for hilarious conversation!
We also talk about the book, the process of its creation, Shane and Aron’s mindfuck epic Benjamin, their involvement in my This Is Splatterpunk project, and the actual function of horror as a truth-telling art form, at its best and most powerful. HOPE YOU ENJOY!